So I have been thinking about this for awhile as I am constantly reminded in posts and memes on both Instagram and Facebook. People always say (especially to new Mums) that if you are struggling don’t forget to reach out and get help. In any situation really it’s always said ‘ask for help, you’re not alone’. So my question is what is Plan B if when you reach out no help is received?
So I guess for me when I read these quotes and hear this advice I get upset. In my life and what I have found is there is no help. Even when I do reach out, or am struggling there really is no one there. In fact I find the more you reach out and tell people your struggles and what you need to faster they in fact turn away.
Please don’t get me wrong. I have great friends and some amazing family but the people I surround myself are just super busy OR in the exact same position as me, treading water just making it through each day. Grandparents just seem super busy these days, 60 is the new 30 and my Dad has a busier social life than me! My husband is my partner in everything and we rely on each other for everything. He is amazing.
I probably should point out where I am coming from. My Mother spent the majority of my life being really unwell. She spent the last 10 years of her life in full time care, it’s a really hard part of my life I don’t really talk about. Anyway, myself, my sister and my Dad were really the only people who saw her on a regular basis. Throughout these last 10 years I yearned for help, for more support but it never came. At her funeral last year so many people turned up. So many. Where were they when she needed them in those last 10 years? If only each of them had done one visit/helped only once a year it would have made a world of difference….. anyway, I’m off track.
So I guess when I started to have children I already knew that no help would come. Luckily Andrew works hard and we have the means available to have a cleaner, buy ready made meals (needed especially in those newborn early days) and pay for the occasional babysitter and childcare. But what if you don’t even have that? What if you are seriously on your own? There must be so many people out there like that.
Every so often I just need to reach out, vent, scream I NEED BLOODY HELP. But you now what…. nothing happens. Friends will reply with ‘yep, I’m in the same situation’ family members will say ‘well this is what happens when you have kids, it was hard for me too’, and some people, well they just turn away.
I know life will not be like this forever, it’s just hard right now. Thanks for reading. Bec