So I have been thinking about this for awhile as I am constantly reminded in posts and memes on both Instagram and Facebook. People always say (especially to new Mums) that if you are struggling don’t forget to reach out and get help. In any situation really it’s always said ‘ask for help, you’re not alone’. So my question is what is Plan B if when you reach out no help is received?
So I guess for me when I read these quotes and hear this advice I get upset. In my life and what I have found is there is no help. Even when I do reach out, or am struggling there really is no one there. In fact I find the more you reach out and tell people your struggles and what you need to faster they in fact turn away.
Please don’t get me wrong. I have great friends and some amazing family but the people I surround myself are just super busy OR in the exact same position as me, treading water just making it through each day. Grandparents just seem super busy these days, 60 is the new 30 and my Dad has a busier social life than me! My husband is my partner in everything and we rely on each other for everything. He is amazing.
I probably should point out where I am coming from. My Mother spent the majority of my life being really unwell. She spent the last 10 years of her life in full time care, it’s a really hard part of my life I don’t really talk about. Anyway, myself, my sister and my Dad were really the only people who saw her on a regular basis. Throughout these last 10 years I yearned for help, for more support but it never came. At her funeral last year so many people turned up. So many. Where were they when she needed them in those last 10 years? If only each of them had done one visit/helped only once a year it would have made a world of difference….. anyway, I’m off track.
So I guess when I started to have children I already knew that no help would come. Luckily Andrew works hard and we have the means available to have a cleaner, buy ready made meals (needed especially in those newborn early days) and pay for the occasional babysitter and childcare. But what if you don’t even have that? What if you are seriously on your own? There must be so many people out there like that.
Every so often I just need to reach out, vent, scream I NEED BLOODY HELP. But you now what…. nothing happens. Friends will reply with ‘yep, I’m in the same situation’ family members will say ‘well this is what happens when you have kids, it was hard for me too’, and some people, well they just turn away.
I know life will not be like this forever, it’s just hard right now. Thanks for reading. Bec
8 thoughts on “What do you do when there is no one?”
We are in the same position. My mum, our biggest support, passed away 10 days after being diagnosed with cancer. Like your mum, there were so many people at her funeral, we filled one of the biggest churches in our area. The offers of support and help for hubby, myself and our 3 young children dried up pretty quickly. My in-laws live interstate and the family we have near us are busy with work, children etc. We are getting to the point where we just don’t ask anymore and try and work it out between us because when we do ask for help everyone is busy.
Even last week, when my 4 year old was rushed to hospital with an asthma attack, not one person from my family offered to come and stay with our daughters so i could duck to the hospital to check my aon and husband were ok.
It apparently takes a village to raise a child, I’d just like a little help ooccassionaly
Argh so true…. it’s a shame so many of us feel this way isn’t it. Seriously….
Oh Bec, my heart goes out to you! You are such a strong, loving, motivated, gorgeous lady but there are times when you just don’t want to be all that and have someone strong, and kind just guide you through that moment, right?! Have kids makes you crave support, maybe it’s the loneliness that comes with the daily grind or maybe it’s that people get defensive when you ask for some help and want you desperately to realise that they are fighting it too instead of empathy. Thank you for your honesty, it’s refreshing and so easy to relate to. What a wonderful support you have in your hubby too. xxx
What kind words xx thank you so much for reading and understanding xx
I can understand this, I was diagnosed with an acute blood cancer June last yr. I spent nearly 4months in hospital. My husband was juggling full time job 3 kids all the activities and the house bills and was at the hospital nearly everyday with me. They survived- there where many that reached out and said if I can do anything let me know (but nothing came from it). Then we had others just Go out of their way and make meals and help when it wasnt expected!!
Anyway Im just so glad Ive made it this far Im alive.
You slowly learn its not quantity but quality you need.
Thanks for sharing 😊
Thanks for reading xxx
I have help, my mum, and I still struggle! I’d be totally lost if I was alone. So many of my friends and are in your situation. Everyone offers the help but no one follows up.
It does take a village but where is that village?
And like you when my dad passed I thought the same. Where were you all when we needed you?
Big hugs x
Thanks beautiful Lara xx 😘